I know a lot of fabulous people. We all do. And we all know a lot of fabulous single people. My theory is that if we all know fabulous single people, why not help them get to know EACH OTHER?
I recently introduced my neighbor Dave to my friend Tracy. Now I understand why nobody wants to play cupid anymore. I was all stressed out. Would they like each other? What if they each thought I was crazy for thinking they would? What if they behave poorly? What if what if what if?
What if I just shut up and let them decide for themselves? That would’ve been too easy.
Every time I saw them I would ask, “Have you called her?!” “Did you email him back?!” My god, it’s almost as if I expected to be invited on the first date. I saw Tracy last week, and after pulling a Judge Judy style interrogation for why they hadn’t met yet, she calmly and quietly responded that they actually went to dinner the night before.
I squealed with delight . . . and then pounced on her. What did you think?! Did you like him? Was he cool? Are you gonna go out again? Can I be the Maid of Honor? Oops, jumping the gun a bit on that one.
She didn’t give me much, but said that he was cool and the conversation was good. I couldn’t really get a read and it was frustrating me. Was I about to put Dr. Neil Clark Warren out of business? Then, she casually and calmly added, “Well, he WAS about 30min late. And he seemed like he had been drinking… I don’t know. Oh, and then when we left, he just sorta smacked my ass.”
As if these were just teeny weeney details that she just recalled.
I went ballistic! WHAT?! He showed up drunk? He smacked your ass?! Was this man raised by apes? I was pissed, embarrassed, and felt horrible for Tracey. I had no explanation for his brutish behavior, but I was determined to get to the bottom of it.
I got home and fired off an email to my neighbor raised by apes, and not so kindly welcomed him to dating in the 21st century. Grab ass on the first date isn’t part of the game! And what was he thinking showing up toasted? I ripped into him, reminded him that I put my stamp of approval on his butt, and that if he doesn’t redeem himself, all future leads would dry up.
It didn’t take long for an email to come back, explaining that I was totally busted: he and Tracy orchestrated the whole thing, mainly to get back at me for not leaving them alone. There was no grab ass and no drunk first meetings. I was thoroughly impressed with the Academy-Award winning performance that Tracy put on that day.
Cupid got busted. Bad. Nice work you guys! I’m done for a while… leaving the match-making to the professionals.
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you can leave the match making to professionals UNLESS you know someone in chapel hill….
How clever are those two? That was just brilliant. Even more so are your writing skills. This is not just your mama talking. I kid you not, you have a writing style that could sell books and articles plenty. If you ever consider a new career, that should come to mind without a doubt. Your ability to keep the reader moving to the twists and turns as well as details are amazing!!!! As long as I have the platform , I will reiterate that I have been telling you this scince you were about eight years old. YOU GOT TALENT GIRL.
Thanks, Mom!
If anyone else would like an injection of self esteem and wants to feel like you can conquer the world, just say the word and I’ll let you borrow my mom for the day.
You’ll be running for President by the time she’s done with you.
(Now I can’t promise that anyone else will buy it, but YOU’LL feel great!)
It was pretty funny! You were sooooooooo pissed! I warned Dave that you were on the warpath, so he’d be prepared. He was actually going to pretend he didn’t understand what the big deal was. He would’ve just egged you on until you decked, him probably!
Next time, I’ll record it…
PS – your matchmaking skills are just fine. Keep it up!
Classic Comedy !!
I would have loved to see your face when the truth came out….
J
I can truly appreciate their sentiments towards your “cupidism”, if you will. Too bad your efforts for my case were futile.